So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
