You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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