i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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