what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
