Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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