with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
