I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
