shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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