CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
