is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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