Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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