Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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