Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
