Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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