I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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