It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
