I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're like the curious george of whores
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
