My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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