i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
