you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
