evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
