I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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