Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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