sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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