it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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