So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
