New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
