Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
