so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
try to milk me bitch
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