I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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