Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
