I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
