If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
