ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
