he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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