Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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