I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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