yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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