just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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