Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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