I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
