then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
