isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
