I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
