I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
