saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
