Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
