Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
