so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
