It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
